"Only the curious have something to find"

So I hit the gym....

2007-02-20T21:10:00.000-08:00

And the damn thing is solid!!! My hand HURTS!!!! Last time I do that let me tell ya...

Haha, funny funny. So seriously, I did go back to the gym. I ran two miles in about 15 minutes. That's pretty good if I do say so myself and I will seeing as how I'm the only one talking here.

Hmmm... moving on..

Gym was good. I plan on going tonight to run again but I'm a little tired. I had karate last night and tonight and it is a whole lot easier than it looks. Since I'm the only one in the class I go nonstop for an hour straight. It's really cool and really fun though. I'm glad I picked it up.

I officially took over my second branch today. It was good but I am looking forward to us getting it organized and in order. I need some good people in there to get it up and profitable in about a six month period. Let the fun begin, huh?

The fam is good. Brother is feeling better, sister is expecting, sister is looking for a house, mom and dad are ..... mom and dad.

Just not a lot coming to mind right now. I wanted to blog last night and just didn't get the chance. Now that I have the chance.... I'm rambling non-sense. Well maybe tomorrow.

Ohh.. Ok, I'm going to declare it now for me to read (cause I'm pretty much the only one who read's this anymore). I am signing up for the Silverman Triathalon this year. Yup, swimming, biking and running.... all in one day.... and a whole lot of it!! Let the training beggin. ... .. tomorrow. Wait, No! I am going to the gym tonight, I am!!!

The Gym and Blogging

2007-02-18T19:50:00.000-08:00

Two things I think I will try to pick back up. I told my brother Joe that I will run a 5K with him. Not that big of a deal... except that I haven't ran for a few months. I got sick back in Oct/Nov time and had to call of the gym for a bit. That bit's been till tonight. Well at least it's not as long as my blogging stretch.

Hello ... .. . agian.

Off to the gym!

2006-04-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've blogged, as you can tell. I would like to say that I've been busy, so..... I've been busy! Haha

I started to go back to the gym again. I went with my dad yesterday and just by myself today. Not to bad either, for not going since last year!

I've been on vacation since last thursday and haven't done much. I guess that's the point sometimes but I like to get things done. My original reason for the vacation fell through and I was kind of stuck with having to take the time off. Don't get me wrong now, it's been great not having to worry about work.... not entirelly true. My boss called me and told me I'm switching branches for about 3 weeks. Not that big of a deal but my branch is already short staffed and they're stressing about me not being there. I think it might be a trial run to see if they can survive without me for a while and if they know what they're doing. I think they will be fine but I just have an awkward feeling about things in general there.

My son and I are doing great. I want to get him outside more and hopefully with the weather starting to get nicer we'll be able to do that.

Thursday I'm going to the Better Than Ezra concert at the House Of Blues with Joe & Jacquie. I'm looking forward to it because I really like Better Than Ezra. The three of us just went to see Third Day at the House. David Crowder Band openned up for them and they freaking rocked! I love me some CDB!! His Crowder is pretty sweet! (if you have to ask, then you have to go see them!)

I have a "we" complex.... so what!

2006-01-05T21:04:00.000-08:00

Here we are on another beautiful Thursday night and as always I feel like I have so much to write about, yet as soon as I sign in and begin......

..
...
. ...nothing!

Frustrating. So, how are you?me..... I'm good! Well, more or less I guess. It's been a good minute or two since I've had the desire to blog at all. It just goes in stages I guess. Oh, I did want to rant about the freaking spam comments!!! Those things are freaking annoying!! I mean what the f*&# !!! If I really want to know about some weird woodshop website or a medical breakthough, then I'll go google the damn thing! Stop commenting I have a great freaking blog and your going to bookmark me and oh by the way... (hint, hint, hint,) stop by my blog. So there's my rant. It urk's me for lack of an explicit vocabulary. (I want to try and tame my wide tongue from the f-bomb droppings.) Oh, and I saw something on my into blog about click here to stop the comment spam so I guess you blog fanatics got that under control. Good job.

I have a lot of crap to do tonight, and I just don't feel like doing it. It always happens that way you know. Thursday I pick up my boy from his mom and once I get him down to bed, I am BEAT! I don't know what the deal is. All week long I'm up till midnight and then comes Thursday and 8:15, I'm ready to pass out. Well, I made it pass 8:15 tonight. I feel like just playing his gameboy. That's a waste. Video games are the Devil!! They just waste my time and my brain. I should really read a book or something like do the work I brought home or balance my checkbook!! I'll tell you what, that thing hasn't been done in about 3 months!!! I know that's bad, but I mean I work at a bank. I look at my accounts all the time. What are ya going to do.... ya, I know... balance the book.

Well I got a couple of classes coming up here at the end of the month. I really like school. I mean, if I could afford to go full time I would. But debt scares me and I don't want to apply for student loans up the yin yang and owe for the rest of my life. Speaking of college, how 'bout them horns! That was an outstanding game last night. I mean really, all week long there have been great games all over the board but USC and Texas was the best match up they could have put together. Congrat's to the Texas faithful, that was a good show.

Ok, well until the next time I get the itch to B.S. for awhile, take care. I am off to play the gameboy.. err... read a book and balance my checkbook.

oh, yeah! I have this new woman at my branch today and she manages to set of my silent alarm! I'm going to get to know my local PD one way or another I guess! Last thing really, if your still reading. My boss thinks I have a we complex. When I say we, I mean me. What's wrong with that! I think we're done for the night.

2005-09-07T08:33:00.000-07:00

Quickly, I just finished the physical with NLVPD. I passed the vertical jump, sit-ups and push-ups with no problem. The 300 meter dash I completed in 42 seconds ( that's the fastest I've done yet). 77 seconds is the cut off. Then I finished the 1.5 mile run in about 12 minutes 12 seconds. 17minutes17seconds is the cut time for that. So I have passed the physical and now it is on to the written today at 3:00. Fun times. Thanks for good luck wishes.

2005-09-06T20:43:00.000-07:00

Less than 11 hours left till I start testing with NLVPD. Fun times. Wish me luck and send a few prayer my way.

Officially the First

2005-08-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

Today, Ryan started his first day of school. I went to see him off to his class along with his mother and her family. He was ecstatic!! Back to the playground he's known for the last couple of years because of pre-school, but now with a new feel to it. He found a classmate from his pre-school class last year that is in the same class as he is. I think that helps to make it a little easier for him. He wasn't exactly sure where to go when it was time to line up. He got into the other classes line and I was trying to get his attention and have him move to the correct line and class. His mom walked past me told him to go to the other line. (I wasn't to happy with her about this but this is not the time to dwell on that.)

I called him tonight to see how his first day of kindergarten went and the conversation left something to be desired. Mainly the desire I had to hear about what happened in school!! "Good" is the common answer when I ask how was your day. "I don't know" is the other. I prefer "Good". (don't like the "I don't know" answer.) So, kindergarten is "Good". Let's keep it that way for a while.

By the way, is it spelled KINDERGARDEN or KINDERGARTEN. Spell check says it's with a "T". I'm a kindergarten dad, I should know how to spell it, right?

P.S.
Just over 2 miles... Just over 17 minutes. I got this.

School days...

2005-08-29T20:09:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh... the first day of school. It's always fun and wonderful. Everyone is excited to go back and start a new year. The kids like to show off their new clothes and have something to do besides hang around the house all day bored with the heat. The parents are excited to have the house back to themselves for a couple of hours and not hear complaints of boredom and "it wasn't my fault!". Teachers are excited .... well.. I'm not to sure why the teachers are excited. Maybe their actually terrified. I mean, they now have to deal with every parents boredom complaint and "I didn't do it!" child. Good luck teach!!!

So my ultimate point to that rambling is that today was my son's first day of school. Except that it wasn't. He got sick this morning. No, he's not faking it to get out of school for just one more day. It was his first day of Kindergarten. He's been looking forward to going for the last two months. He loves school. But this morning a stomach bug decided to delay the first day of school for him. That Sucks!!!! I hope my lil' buddy starts to feel better.

Today was also the first day of the academy for my lil brother with the fire fighters. He stopped by work for a second tonight before heading back home. He was excited. He didn't try to let it show that much, but I can see it in him. He's nerves as hell but thrilled all the same. Good luck fire fighter.

As for me? Well, no school for the moment. I took this semester off from the college. Work conflicted to much. As posted in one of my previous blogs, I didn't make the fall academy with Henderson. So there's no new school year for me at the moment. I am however beginning the testing phase of northtown pd in nine days. It's kinda hard to say it's exciting to test when that's about all I do with the pd's anymore. Really, I'll feel better about it as I'm pacing the track at an eight minute mile and sitting down later that day to pass the written test. My question is when the oral board will come in to play? That's the bad part of pd testing, you never have a clear idea of when the next step is. Not easy to do when your trying to fulfill your 40 hour work week and not loose your job in the process!

Speaking of which, work keeps bringing up the possibility of taking on a manager position. Yeah, I basically do that now, but I just don't have the title or pay. I wouldn't mind taking the position but then I lose my branch and travel around the city to where ever they want to send me (problem with testing). We'll see. That may not come back up for a while anyways.

Hey anonymous, which sister are you talking about?

Little Brothers

2005-08-12T20:45:00.000-07:00

I have a little brother.
He's really not that little. He's maybe even a 1/2" taller than me. I think he even weigh's 5-10 lbs. more than I do. ( the little f*&%er!!)

He has been hired by the Clark County Fire Department and starts his academy on the 29th of this month. He's worked hard as a BLM Wild Land Fire Fighter for the last two years and has been with AMR (our local Paramedic unit) since the wild fire season ended about eight months back. It worked out well for him. He will soon be living his dream of a career as a Professional Fire Fighter. Congrat's lil' bro'.

Tonight though, he is sitting in one of our valley's hospital. No he is not working. He is patiantly (if one can ever really be patiant) waiting the arrival of his first child. A daughter. Grace. Beautiful name. His fiancee is now in the process of giving birth (and I'm here typing away on the computer!!). Please take a moment to say a prayer for them tonight. May our Father watch over them.

By the way, I have my son and my sisters youngest son here. That's why I'm typing and not sitting in the waiting room.

Where'd my blog go?

2005-08-04T21:14:00.000-07:00

I blogged. But it's not here. I guess that's just life. I'm hungry....

2005-08-04T20:39:00.000-07:00

2005-08-03T22:59:00.000-07:00

I was ready and willing to blog tonight. That was my plan. But reruns of SmallVille and some other show I don't remember that was on before it occupied my mind. Sad.

I finally came and started to read everyone else's blogs that I haven't kept up on and now I beat! By the way Gene, you got a great web site for your busyness! I want to get a guitar now! If only I knew how to play...

I did submit my app to NLVPD this morning. I already received an e-mail back giving me my physical test date and time of Sept. 7th at 7:00am! The written will follow on the 20th. I think I am feeling good about NLVPD. I'm still on hold with Henderson. Their next academy is going to be in February. If I do well with north town, I just may have my choice of who to go with. Big prayers for me this time around please and I will do my best to drop my embarrassing pride if anyone has the desire to help me prepare.

Hey look at that.... I actually did a small Blog! hah, who knew!!

2005-07-17T22:40:00.000-07:00

My parents are finally looking to move. Well, they've been looking for a couple of months now anyway. Just about every two weeks they find a new house that they really love. (they just don't love the prices!) They have finally come down to basically two houses. (I say two because even though they like a couple more, they have already ruled them out for these two. Just not written in stone if you know what I mean.)
One of these houses is being built by Centex. They've tried to get information on when certain lot's are going to be released and waiting lists and stuff like that, but they have hit a wall for some reason. Ok, so now enter me. They asked, I kinda offered too, to go over and talk to Gaby about the release times for the lots. Gaby works for Centex. She's also my ex's mother.
It's been about a month since the idea came into play and I finally told them I would go by to talk to her. She was great. Really nice, gave me a hug, a compliment on looking good told me that her and Jay (husband) are doing great and got basically all the info I asked for my parents. Yes it was a little awkward. I caught my hands shaking as I talked to her. I knew this was going to stir up feelings and memories. While she was on the phone and I sat in her office, I noticed a picture of Jay and Jessi on her desk. I was completely out of breath by how beautiful Jessi looked in the photo. ...... Open flood gates.... memories, feelings, dreams crushing in on my chest.
I called by buddy Joe to talk and keep me from driving by her house. (She lives just a block away from where her mom works.) I knew he was a sleep but I had to call someone to help me from making a mistake. Thankfully for me, Jacquie picked up. I told her what was going on and my feelings and then quickly changed the subject. I didn't want to dwell on it. Yeah, like I don't think about her everyday as it is. So needless to say, I'm a freaking train wreck today.

I'm watching "The 4400" on my sisters recommendation tonight. The main characters gets trapped in the mind of a woman for eight years. They end up falling in love and getting married even though they already are in the woman's mind. (sounds weird but it was really good!) But at about eight weeks into the illusion the two of them start to connect, they awkwardly kiss end up in bed together ( i know, not Godly at all), but they show the two of them laying in bad asleep. Very peaceful, her brown hair flowing onto the pillow, both of her hands enveloping the hand and arm wrapped around her from behind giving shelter, warmth and a sense of security by his body. He stirs for a moment to check on her. Reassured she's safe, comfortable, and close to him, he falls back to sleep.
Watching this I realize that's what I want. I don't know if it's just lust, loneliness or what. And if it is, then God please take it away from me. But I want to lay with her in my arms and know she's with me. I want to look onto her face with amazement.

I'm still having a hard time letting go.

2005-05-25T22:13:00.000-07:00

I like the way Doug Citizen puts it...

Ahh.. Life.
One minute your inhaling two bad chili cheese hot dogs and the next your branch is being robbed!

Yah, that was me day. I get pulled off of lunch early to open a new account and right in the middle of it, my teller interrupts me. "Excuse me sir, I was just robbed." At least he was polite about it right?! It pisses me off a lot. Partly because this is my branch. I run it. The branch gets a bad audit, I get into trouble. The branch gets a positive customer comment, I get the praise. (well kind of. I don't really care for it and I always try to pass the praise onto one of my employee's) The branch gets robbed, I feel robbed. That sucks.

The worst part is that there was nothing I could do. I saw nothing. Not a damn thing. By the time my teller came over to inform me, the guy was gone. Not a damn thing. My teller is visibly shaky as he talks to police officers and every question they ask me about what the suspect looks like or if he was wearing gloves, my response... uhh.. I don't know! That really pisses me off. I feel guilty because I wasn't on the teller side today. I normally work a window and let my back-up's work the new account desk. I like to make my presence known and felt.

Shoulder holsters. Every banker should carry a shoulder holster. Cap a couple rounds in the first few robbers and the word will get out. Just an idea. My manager thought about it for a second and laughed. It's good to laugh. It helps relieve the tension.

By the way. If you walk into a bank and you see yellow caution tape blocking you from entering and police officers standing around and inside, it's a good bet that the bank is closed. Don't stand there asking if you can just make a deposit. Don't ask the stupidly obvious question "Is the bank closed?" I'm going to let you know right now, "Yes dumb f***, the bank is closed!!"

2005-05-15T16:54:00.000-07:00

One Step, I Make An Imprint...

I tested with Henderson PD this past February/March time frame.

Two Steps, It's A Commitment.....

Last night I received a letter from Henderson PD. It was not a conditional job offer as I was hoping for. It was instead a letter giving me my results of testing with them.

Written Examination: 89.74 (Weighted 60%)= 53.84 (I believe this was the 7th highest.)
Oral Review Board: 70.00 (Weighted 40%) = 28.00
Final Earned Rating= 81.84

My first oral board was great. I scored a 95%. So then how did I drop down to a 70%? My Captains board. I bombed that interview like I was in Iraq during the war!! That freaking HURT!! F-BOMB'S my friends, F-bombs.

regardless I rate above the minimum 70% to be placed on a list as #61. Over the last month or so, I really thought I did well enough to be in the top 10. Maybe I did but these others just did that much better than I did.

I've been praying for God to guide me down His path. I know he has a plan for me and now I'm having second thoughts of being a police officer! I don't know where this is coming from but it really frustrates me. My request for anyone who cares to read is to pray that God will continue to guide me. I don't know where or what (or who for that matter!) as to what's going on in my life anymore. It's really odd to feel like you hit rock bottom and like everything is up in the air all at the same time.

Three Steps, I'm Not Done Yet..........

2005-05-12T22:45:00.000-07:00

Tonight is a wonderfull night with my son. We didn't fight about pj's as much as usual, we relaxed together on the couch before bed and he only did one stalling tactick before going to bed ( comes in and gives me a hug and kiss and tells me to have good sleeps). Not to bad.

I talked with my dad for a little while about some of the options for moving into a new house. My parents are looking at a new home close to my older sister. From the look of the floor plans and the lot size, this is really a good house and probably a good price for them. It does mean that they won't be able to get a condo for me to rent from them like they were looking at last month. Oh well. I'm a little sad, but I can't blame them. I would like to see them get out of this house thier in now. This neighborhood sucks!! Besides, I think it will be better for me to pay-off my debt and be able to move out on my own. I'm trusting in God to help me with that. I am planning to be out of debt by the end of this year. God willing, I will be able to get a car with out having to get a loan for it.

I'm turning my car in this month. I just need to get the front fender repaired and it's gone. Kind of a bitter sweet feeling.

I haven't heard anything from Henderson PD yet. If I'm selected, I'll probably hear from them in the next two weeks. Let's pray I do!

I'm planning on going to house church with the Parkers tomorrow night. I have to call and make sure it's still on.

2005-05-07T19:58:00.000-07:00

Today's a bitter day and I don't know why. I've been in a bad mood all day and I'm just pissed off.

Dinner

2005-05-04T22:13:00.000-07:00

I went to dinner tonight with Joe&Jacquie and Joe's parents Pappy&Alice. Levi&Tracy and Tommy&Meghan were there which was cool. I don't remember the last time I saw Tommy. Pappy and Alice are doing good from the sounds of it. I'm excited to see them move back to town.

Apparently I miffed my parents today. I guess I told my brother-in-law that mom was not happy about the hours dad will be putting in on his new job. I got that impression from him last week and I thought that was understandable and they must have obviouslly talked about that before hand. Of course they did and mom's ok with it, but I'm going around saying that she isn't and she's not to happy about that. Guess I don't blame her. I told dad that was my poor choice of words to Dean and my misuderstanding. I'll have to appologize to mom next time I see her!!

I'm going to go finish reading my "boy meets girl" book and go to bed!!! It's almost Friday!

Oh ya, If the weather permits on Saturday, Ryan and I are going mini-golfing!! SWEET!

2005-04-29T19:53:00.000-07:00

on-line poker is not as much fun as live poker.

It's just not. Probably because I know the people I play live with and not the people on-line. There's a bit of a disconnection there. Oh well.

Warren called me tonight. It's good to hear from old friends like him. We grew up together with Steve and Lee. There were some others that fell in and out of our lives over the years. Then Steve, Warren, Lee and I fell out of each others lives. Not on purpose. But mainly because I got married and had a kid. They weren't ready for that life. I know they didn't want to get me into trouble either. Not that they trouble makers by any stretch, it's just that trouble has a way of finding you. Steve and I talked every few months. We made sure to call and say happy birthday or mary Christmas. But for a long while, that was the extent of it.

Sunday all four of us are meeting up to hang out at the movies and watch "XXX". (That's the name of the movie, not the rating!) Should be good times reminiscing as well.

My thoughts are still about Jessi through out the day. But I am also thinking and praying for God to do His will with me. I believe He wants me to be able to support myself first before I start a new relationship. Not to mention any of the other things he has planned for me to change in my life.

I'm watching Ethan tonight with Ryan. Bed time is fast approaching and the nightly whine's are on-coming as well!!

2005-04-28T22:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a long week and it's not even over yet! Well, it's kinda over. My weekend starts (and ends) tomorrow. I still reading "boy meets girl" and it's pretty damn convicting. I don't like it, but at the same time, I love it. It's helping me see my selfish side in my relationships. Kinda sucks! I feel torn when it comes to Jessi. I mean I want her in my life somehow, but I don't know if I can handle that, or if she can. I was going to e-mail her but it was so hard and awkward that I had to stop. It's still to soon. I want to put my life into God's hands so he can cure me of my sins and lead me to his plan. It's just hard to let go and put complete trust in Him. Which is weird because really I don't have any control over my life.

Aaahhh. Cutless. Strong Tower. If you have not heard this song, you are missing out my friend. It's definitely one of those you have to turn up as loud as you can and just LET IT RIP, BABY!!!

Time to read some more.

2005-04-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

Tonight I took Ryan out to Olive Garden for dinner and Joe & Jacquie joined us. Ryan has been asking to go there for the last two weeks and after church last week we were going to eat dinner there but the wait was to long. I promised him last week to take him this weekend. He loves the breadsticks, and that's about it!! He didn't eat a bite of his cheese pizza! And for him not to eat cheese!!! That's unbelievable!

Last night was a little trying for Ryan and me. He was being defiant and not doing what he was told so I sent him to bed early. He did not take this to well. I fought him for about 45 minutes with his crying, coming out of his room and not staying on his bed. I finally took him into his room, sat down on the bed with him and calmed him down. He said he didn't think that I loved him because I was mad at him. So I had to explain that I love him no matter what is happening and the reason I am mad with him and that I do punish him is because I love him. I love him so much that I don't want to see him get hurt. I know that what he is doing can be harmful to him and I am looking out for him because I love him. After explaining this to him, he was able to calm down and go to bed.

Fastforward to later last night, I just can't go to bed early right now. I just lay there in bed awake. So I decided to start reading a book. "boy meets girl" by Joshua Harris. Joe had told me to read this two years ago when I divorced from Michele. I never finished it and with my current situation of splitting with Jessi, I thought I might as well read it. It's bad enough to hear what you don't want to hear from your friends at a time like this. But to read that same thing, honestly it's a little heart breaking.

In the first chapter the author talks about a relationship he had. For what I think is a obvious reason, it jumped out of the page and smacked me upside the head!! Hard! "My change of perspective began after I broke up with a girl I'd been going out with for two years. Our relationship was an area of my life that I had refused to submit to God. When it ended, He began to show me just how selfish I was. I'd used her to satisfy my own sinful desires." This paragraph grabbed and shook me for a couple of reasons that I will not go into, but still set me up for the second half.

"There in the darkness I started to cry. .... I cried because I knew God was behind it all. He was the one who had closed the door on a relationship ... and He'd done it for my good. I was overwhelmed by the thought that the God of the universe was willing to be involved in the details of my life--that He'd be willing to reach down and shut a door that He didn't want me to walk through." At this point my son flashes into my mind from earlier tonight. -I know that what he is doing can be harmful to him and I am looking out for him because I love him.-

I feel like my son did as my Father sat on my bed and comforted me be telling me how much He loves me and knows what is best for me.

2005-04-19T06:41:00.000-07:00

It's been a week now since Jessi and I spilt up and I haven't been able to write down how I've been feeling. I tried last night and just got even more frustrated. Part of me still doesn't know what happened. I mean I know why we split, and in the long run, maybe that is best, but that is a big maybe.

I want Jessi to follow her dreams and succeed. I want to be there and help her shine. But most of all, I want her.

2005-04-16T22:21:00.000-07:00

U2's new song ain't to bad either.

I haven't wrote for a while obviously, and I really don' t feel like starting again tonight. I still don't know how to put this last week into words. I don't even want to try. But I know I should. Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe I'll pick up a couple of new CD's tomorrow. I haven't gotten anything for myself for a little while I think. Good enough.

2005-04-15T21:48:00.000-07:00

I like Dave Matthews new song.

2005-01-30T21:01:00.000-08:00

I'm a little frustrated. I just checked my on-line class to see if anything new is there (not expecting to see anything new) and low and behold ... the grades are out for my first assignment. I got a 0. No that's not an O that's a zero (0). Apparently I didn't attach the damn paper to the e-mail like I thought I did. My teacher e-mailed me and asked for me to send it immediately but who knows if he'll give me credit for it or not. He said he wouldn't accept anything late in his syllabus. I guess that's what I get for waiting till the last minute to hand it in. GRRRrrr

Today is my buddies birthday, Happy Birthday Brother. I hope it was fun. I always love hanging out with friends. Joe just turned 30... I mean 28.. errrr 26... I think. Hey be happy, you're getting younger!

So in case anybody is not in the know, I have asked my beautiful girlfriend to be my beautiful wife. On Christmas Day I surprised her by showing up at her house at about 9:00am (9:30 for those of you who know me.. ) and started her off on a scavenger hunt. It went all over the north side of town and took the better part of the morning. We went to StarBucks, Kavanughs, The Patton's, my house, my car, my older sister's house, and finally my little sister's house. Both of our family were waiting for us there (she didn't know her parents were going to be there!! Cool huh, ). Her ring was on the tree and for some reason I don't think she even knows why yet, she said yes. Through the whole time I was never nervous, until I started to put the ring on her finger. I was a little worried that it would be to small! But it was like butter. Not like butter just taken out of the frige, like butter that's been out just long enough to get warm and you have a knife that you just took out of the dishwasher finishing the heat dry cycle. ( It was good.)

Well, it's been a month since then and we're looking at October 1st as the wedding date. But we may move it back to April/May of 2006 so we have more time to afford what we want to do ... (honeymoon baby!!!)

Oh yeah, I also gave her a scrap book of keepsakes for all the clues. That's the last picture there. I think she really liked that, almost as much as the ring!

2005-01-24T21:28:00.000-08:00

My girl's been driving with her Oma for almost as long as Jacquie has been chewing gum.

LIVESTRONG

2005-01-17T20:36:00.000-08:00

That's the yellow bracelet my brother gave me that supports the cancer foundation of Lance Armstrong. It's one of those reminders in life. You know, do what you want... enjoy life... love hard... all those little things that you take for granted and latter wish you hadn't. I have a few tattoos like that. Reminders so I never forget. The funny thing is, I never will forget.. even if the tattoos weren't there. Life seemed to tattoo those reminders to my memory.

I always like it when someone has something profound to say or write. I don't seem to have anything profound. Although, my son Ryan, steals my hart every moment he has. I see pieces of me in him and the way he acts. I always said that my son will have to earn everything, he will not get spoiled and have a free ride. I always wanted him to learn and know the value of hard work and dependability. Now, I want to do everything for him and make life as easy as possible. I think I need more discipline.

2004-09-27T20:19:00.000-07:00

James Stewart Entered the Army Air Force as a private and worked his way to the rank of Colonel. During World War II, Stewart served as a bomber pilot, his service record crediting him with leading more than 20 missions over Germany, and taking part in hundreds of air strikes during his tour of duty. Stewart earned the Air Medal, the Distinguished Flying Cross, France's Croix de Guerre, and 7 Battle Stars during World War II. In peace time, Stewart continued to be an active member of the Air Force as a reservist, reaching the rank of Brigadier General before retiring in the late 1950s.

humpf

2004-08-03T21:44:00.000-07:00

I was going to blog for awhile and send e-mail when I got home tonight. My sister was using the computer instead and recording dvd's for her boss. I was going to go to the gym since I didn't go this morning. So that didn't happen. I've spent the last 2 hours listening to her bitch and moan. Hey every one needs to from time to time. I'll get up and go to the gym in the morning. I'm tired now. Let me e-mail my girl who doesn't get back till thursday :( and maybe read alittle then bed. Aahhh my wonderful life. You know, three of the girls at my work have no idea who Jimmy Stuart is!! Hope I spelled his name right.

Latelly

2004-07-28T21:33:00.000-07:00

I just haven't been in a bloggin' mood as of late. Not really been in much of a mood as of late. Kinda wierd!

I got poker night on saturday with the guys. I just saw them at Tommys b-day party but really didn't talk to much. For some reason I have no memory of Andy haveing a baby girl in the last year! I remember his wife Terra being prego, but just remember hearing about the baby.

My sister's b-day is saturday as well. We'll celebrate on friday. Kinda sucks that it takes time away from my son. It's my short weekend and I wont see him much. It make me sad to not spend time with him. I know I have to have time for my self still, but look at the time I have during the week. I don't do much. I can't wait for school to start so I can fill some of my empty time.

Work's work as usual. I watched S.W.A.T. last night and damn I wanna be a cop. It was a good movie. Talking about the couple of ride alongs I've been on with a co-worker makes me a little excited. Just remembering the situations and the feeling of being out there make me tingle. I know, the same old ramblelings.

My son's in Karate now. He really likes it. I hope it's something he would like to stay with. I think it will do good with self-esteem. I know sometimes I'm overprotective of him so I hope I can learn to back off a little and let him learn a bit on his own. I think this class may help. His mom and I are also trying to get him to stop wetting the bed at night. It goes back and forth.

My girls in Germany enjoying time away (hopefully not away from me!!haha) and with familly. You never know how much time you spend with someone till you no longer are able to be around them. Does any one know how long it takes mail to get to Germany? By the way, check out her blog. You can read authentic German words!!! (and if you understand them, then good on ya)

That's me in the past month. Not to bad for not wanting or feeling like bloggin'

Thought of the day..................................................my dolphins are going to have a rough year.

2004-07-01T20:27:00.000-07:00

"love is easy when your loved."

I love this song. "Paradigm" by all together separate, just a freaking great song. I haven't listened to air one since my radio went out in my car.

So here I sit on thursday night with out my son. Pretty much sucks. Tonight is my night with him but I agreed to let him stay at his mom's since I work tomorrow and she took off. I had my sister able to watch him but Ryan's mom does not like her and does not want her to watch him. So she elected to take off from work. This frustrates me but I don't think I can do much about it.

Joe's graduation is next week. He get's his badge on the 8th. Man I wish I was standing with him. I was looking forward to going through this whole process of becoming a cop being side by side. He's been my brother since high school and he's been there for the majority of major moments in my life. I guess i'm a little jelous of him. He was able to get on the first time through. He did a great job selling himself and he's full of confidence. I guess they may have saw the lack of that in me. I don't do well selling myself a lot of times. I don't have a lot of confidence as anyone who read's my blog knows. That's how I grew up. I'm not better than any one else. I have my strong points and my weak points. But I'm not better. What makes one person better than another. I don't know what it is.

CSI is about to come on and I haven't watched that for some time. Seriously, air one rocks! "dont wanna look, i just want to find" "who's out there, who's gonna save us before we fall in the cracks in the pavement" "and if you dont know what i'm talking about, then it probably better cause i'm working it out." Seriously, those are some great quotes!!

"everybody loves the rose, but will you be thankfull for the thorns?"

2004-06-28T09:22:00.000-07:00

"Umm daddy.... this is gREAT!!!!!"

2004-06-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

Exact word from my son Ryan as we sit eating chocolate, reeses pieces cup, m&m and rainbow sprinkle ice cream.

I pick him up to the tune of "I don't wanna go. I just want to stay with mommy." maybe not something that is to unusual to people, but definitely unusual to me! He's never said this before the last two weeks. We come home and he's mad at me for making him leave his mom's. What am I gonna do? So we go to dinner at IHOP (his choice since this morning) and on the way he falls asleep in the car. I carry him in and he finally wakes up as we walk in. He gets the smiley face pancakes and I, the stuffed apple pancakes. This is the first time he eats the whole plate, that I've seen. He's been such a great boy this weekend and tonight really I told him we could get some ice cream. I know, I know, his mom is loving me right at this moment. And yes, It could have been worse. I could have just gave him straight sugar!!! Well, we go to ColdStones and watch them make the ice cream and as were sharing the bowl that I thought was the small, he slowly thinks to himself then tells me... Umm daddy, this is GREEAAATT!!! This brings tears to my eyes. Here he is upset that he had to leave his toys and his mom to have dinner with dad and it turns out to be GREAT!

As we drive slowly back to his mothers he asked to turn on the police radio when we drive by a parked police car. Not to much happening at the time but as I get him out of the car to drop him off and as I pull away after saying our good bye's... he yells "good luck, be safe". I tell him to say that to the cops we pass driving down the street as he wave to them. I think he believes I'll be a cop one day.

One of the best father's day I've had for a long while.

School

2004-06-17T10:26:00.000-07:00

Today is my son's last day of school. He will be out for summer vacation till about Aug.
Today I registerd for school at CCSN. That's cool and scary at the same time!

So I got three classes, Eng 101;Psych 101; intro criminal justice. Now the fun starts with the finances.

Today's the anniversary date of my first marriage. Not that I've had a second, but rather that marriage no longer exists. I had forgotten about it till I was reminded twice over the last week about it. I think I would have spaced it compleatly. Last year was like tha anniversary of a loved one dieing. This year, not so much. I don't know what or how I should feel, but..... I don't care to much. I know some people may get a little emotional and call the other and just say hi or something nice, I just have no desire to. Maybe that's wierd. I feel pretty damn good about it acctually. It just doesn't effect me. hmmmph.

I'm going back to SCHOOL! HOLY SHIT!!!

Gum

2004-06-14T20:04:00.000-07:00

Can somebody give Jacquie some gum?

Don't quit your day job

2004-06-10T09:01:00.000-07:00

yeah that's right. Don't quit your day job cuase you aint a cop yet.

My b-ground dect. called this morning and gave me the news. I was not sellected and will be sent a letter as to when I can re-test and the reason why I was not sellected. This fucking sucks. I'm trying not to let it eat me up but it's like I'm not good enough. I wasn't that bad of a kid but there's something there that they don't like.

Banks suck. I hate being there. I want to get today over with and pick up ryan.

How do I feel?.... Oh yeah, AAAHHHHHH!!!!

2004-06-04T16:45:00.000-07:00

Two months went freaking fast! I've been e-mailing back and forth with my back ground detective and found out my hiring board is next week. I had to dicide tween PO and CO. Of course I dicided PO, but she tells me I'm still no. 141 on the list and if the board does not select me, I'm off both list's and I can't test again for ONE YEAR!!!!

Please say a lot of F-BOMBS for me.... Then pray for me.

oh yeah, AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

2 months

2004-06-01T22:27:00.000-07:00

just two months to go till I enter into the academy. HOLY SNIKIE'S BATMAN!!!

2004-05-29T23:34:00.000-07:00

2004-05-29T23:32:00.000-07:00

Did it work?

2004-05-29T23:30:00.000-07:00

A weekends work. Here are some before and after pictures of my sisters house. Her husband, Dean, and I put in wood floors in the family and dinning rooms. Not a bad job for about a day and a half. Not to mention the four kids wanting to help and play.

Studying

2004-05-28T22:10:00.000-07:00

I told Joe I would study tonight. Hasn't happened. Ryan has just drained me and hit my 2nd to last nerve. And I don't know why! I catch my self getting short with him and I ask myself why. He just wants to have fun and is curious. I want to be a little stricter with him but not to the point that he doesn't enjoy our time together. We were player on the bed, after I got over being mad about the fact that I couldn't finish making the bed! We were tickling each other with "THE CLAW" and he throws the blanket over my head (with a little help from me) and jumps on my back. I stand up holding onto him (upside down) and drop him on the bed. That was round one. Round two, I thought I broke his back! Same situation he just drop's his feet to far and goes with the momentum. I am still holding on, as not to do a reverse body slam on the floor with him, and hear & feel his back crack all the way from his butt to his neck!! He's ok. It's the first time he had it cracked so it hurt a bit. I said sorry and rubbed his back and then he was ready to go again. I thought it best to take a small break at this point. He's a tough little guy.

It's rare that I make a full dinner for the two of us. Normally it's something quick and simple. I miss having a full family dinner. I have a brother and two sisters, mom and dad. We had family dinners every night when I was young. We got older and nobody knew who or when someone would be home so that stopped. But I miss it. I don't get to see my family enough and Ryan doesn't get to see them. That sucks cause they're pretty fun and cool. Some times just sitting at one table, no TV, semi slaved over home cooked food.... it's cool.

It's getting late and I feel like watching LOTR. Think the fellowship. ahhh studying.

Oh, Where's the Hawian Market? I want to get a picture done of Jessi, Ryan and me on Monday.

Stop to reminise(maybe just to remember)

2004-05-27T07:46:00.000-07:00

Ever go back to see what you blogged about last year? It's fun. Somethings you just don't remember till you read them over agian and say "oohhhh, yaahhh." 5:30am is still early. Feeling buff though(kinda).

Looks like my background det. is working my file. I got an e-mail from her inquiring on who I now work for. Last I heard I was moved up to 41 on my list. I all most don't care what my ranking is at this point. I'll go in Aug. spite any permanent disqualifications. (thats a long word.)

Still trying to get my sisters to start blogging. Just so I can keep up with them sometimes.

2004-05-27T07:39:00.000-07:00

You are Jasmine from Aladdin!

What Disney Princess are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

What!? Why are you laughing?

5:30 is early

2004-05-24T07:30:00.000-07:00

That's a.m. 5:30am. That's early. Jessi and I got up to go work out. I'll get ued to it but it's still early. Saw an old friend Cody there. He looked good. Last I talked to him he had just married I think and had a new born. That was about a year ago now.

So if you got some time to read go to andrewharshman.blogspot.com . I like reading andy's blog.

I told my parents about my blog site at dinner last night. (We went to Papa's, I don't think I like it there. Let me rephrase, I don't like Papa's!) So my dad didn't seem to like the idea of blogging. Why would you want to let the world read about you, you day, your life, your information. I told him that only my frieds are the ones reading it. It's kinda like e-mail with out haveing to e-mail everyone. I see his point though. So does this take away from communicating with someone? You've expressed your view point and it's off your mind so you don't talk about it?

ahh... work is calling. NO, WAIT!!! THAT'S MY PHONE!!!!!

2004-05-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

So with the help of blogger..... My beautifull girlfriend Jessi and my wonderfull son Ryan.

2004-05-18T08:53:00.000-07:00

I got up and ran this morning. I need to get back into shape. I know I only have two months untill the metro physical comes calling. I'm going to run every day next week except for friday and saturday. Since I have Ryan, those will be my off days. The gym is calling as well. Not to mention the studying i will now be doing. Jessi finished with her school for the summer and mine is about to begin. ahhh.. life. Time for work.

2004-05-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

This is my first attempt at puting a picture on my blog. If it worked, This is my girl and my boy.

"..Father wont you show me how to have working mans hands.."

2004-05-17T00:11:00.000-07:00

The end of an era..

So 'th e practice' came to a close tonight. The finale good bye. Drop the curtain. Fond farewells. Jessi and I watched the last few shows. I don't know why. I've never had a desire to watch it before. May be it's because it's the end of something that makes me want to be a part of it. That, and there was nothing else on tv one night so we just left it on. I kinda liked some of the players they had. (players? not character's?) Well then. Maybe I'll watch the spin off of the two players that went to William Shatners law firm. Yes, I said 'Kirk'! He nolonger captains a space "wesel" or has a 'Big Head'. He now 'practices' law. Scary. So freaking scary.

My dad and I are building a gazebo in the back yard to put the spa and his exercise equipment. It's going alright for just three days worth of work. We ran into some problems this week but if I figure out how to put the pictures on here I'll get them posted and show you the handy work.

That is a great profession. Carpenter. Build something with your hands, sweat, and of course blood. Nothing's truly accomplished with out shedding blood.

2004-05-09T02:31:00.000-07:00

Who's up for around of poker?!

The games Texas hold' um.. better yet GUTT'S....

so much to learn, so little time. Usually you need five to play poker. You want five to play, but I found out that four maybe the right combination of player's. Myself, Joe, Andy and Gene sat down for a few games (the whole night) of poker. Obviously you're not going to sit for the night and not talk. After taking turns puffing on the hobbit pipe, the conversation came around to kid's and parenting. The last nights have had me questioning myself as a father. Questioning who I am to my son and what I'm trying to do with him and teach him. Gene and Andy have given me the answer I needed to hear. I don't want to spoil my son or make him feel like my house is the party house. This is wear he gets love and attention as well as discipline. He may only be her for a couple of days a week. It may or may not be what he's used to at his mothers house, but it will have a structure and rules. It will be what I want to pass on to him. It will be my example of how he should choose to be. I will spend more quality time with him and lay down more rules for him to follow. I will take a more active roll in his health and school. Ryan is my son and I love him.

don't think i've ever spent 20 bucks on something so valuable

2004-05-07T22:45:00.000-07:00

It is 10:15pm, and right now there are four kids, ranging in age between 3 and 6, running around the front yard of my neighbors house. This pisses my off. I'm thinking one, these kids need to be in bed. Two, even if they're not in bed, at least they need to be in the house. Three, I see these kids out in the middle of the street at any given hour of the day or night with no parent around. This last one seems to be a common around my neighborhood as I turn down the street a kid on a scooter strools out in front of my car and keeps going across the street I'm about to turn onto and never saw me till he would have been an after thought in my rear view mirror!!! WHERE THE HELL ARE THERE PARENTS!!!!!!

I feel I lost my passion for things in life.

2004-05-06T22:59:00.000-07:00

I'm in a bad mood.

uuuugggghh. that about says it.

2004-05-03T22:30:00.000-07:00

:: how jedi are you? ::

thought of tommy and doug. they'll get a kick out of this.

2004-05-03T21:50:00.000-07:00

so meg's name is a different color and you can't e-mail me yet.

not to bad

2004-05-03T21:06:00.000-07:00

Free Time

I'm going to try and update my site a bit in a minute. I'll see if I can add some blog buddies. Just talked to Joe and we may play poker this Saturday. I don't think I have Ryan since I just had him all week-end, but Michelel was out of town. I have to look and see. I looked to see if my sisters have started blogging yet but find them I did not! oh well.
My branch is starting to take on a home feeling. we'll see how things go with us being short handed. Doesn't that sound familiar!!! I have a market area meeting at 7:15am on Wednesday morning. no big deal.

Time to update....

2004-05-02T21:43:00.000-07:00

my first week not working two jobs has now passed. its cool. had all weekend with ryan and it was good except for him coming down with a fever and the movie in the park cancled on us.

not to much going on to write about.

2004-04-25T10:22:00.000-07:00

" Time, is on my side
yes it is
Time, is on my side"
the song Azazle keeps singing in 'Fallen'

Things I want to do now that there is more time...

1. Sleep
2. Sleep
3. Sleep

just kinding

4. Sleep
5. Spend time with Jessi and Ryan.
6. Spend time with my friends that have been ignored ( not just the past month but over the last year, Fed and Roberto,
C&D branch (no longer there) )
7. Update my blog site (hey look, I just did that!)
Actually I was looking at some of the other blog sites and there pretty cool. I got a digital camera for my birthday and I want to use it to put up pictures and cool stuff like that.
8. Watch some TV and Movies and read. cus I don't read a lot.
9. See if I can get Ryan on with Ethan on his soccer team. I don't know how far into the season they are or if they will take him if they have a full roster but since I'm off on Saturdays, I think that will be really cool. He said he wants to do it. It could just be because Ethan is out there doing it but so what! It's great exercise and he's not sitting around playing video games all day.

Yes tonight is my last night with Fiesta. That's freaking great. The money has been great. Being that I got everybody that I owed money to caught up and my bills are current. I would have liked to have gotten ahead and got my credit cards paid off but I think it's to hard on my relationships with Jessi and Ryan.

Now to go get ready for NSB work.

Happy Birthday to my lil' sis'... Melis

2004-03-22T18:28:00.000-08:00

Long days coming

I started my first day with Nevada State Bank today. I have to get some sleep before I go into Fiesta tonight and then back to NSB in the morning. This will happen untill Saturday morning when I will be off from NSB but not Fiesta. I wont be off there untill Monday night. I know I could do the schedule with no problem if I didn't have Ryan. I told dad I wont be able to keep it up for long because it's to hard on Ryan and I. Catch 22... Ryan got worse and his ear infection came back full force and needs a new $150.00 medicine. I'll have to work both for a while to get medical bills caught up, my bills caught up, some bills paid off and hopefully a down payment for something in December. That's our goal to move in together, Jessi and I. It's a long time away but I'm scared I wont be able to do it. I'm just feeling over loaded with bills right now. Got to eat then go to bed.

2004-03-20T09:10:00.000-08:00

Reminders

As I drive down the street and pull into the drive my heart beat increases just a bit. There are three black and whites and an undercover parked on the street intersecting almost across the street from my parents house where I live. I see PO's talking to my neighbors and even though I want to find out what the call was, I have Ryan with me and I will not go near the scene. The roped off street and plain clothes investigator wearing a kevlar vest carrying a large clip board already told me the situation. A call to a friend that was on his way home from the call confirms my assumption.... shot's fired...

A man lay in his bed early this morning with his wife and daughter beside him. Living in the house for less than three or four months, the previous owner was a heavy gang banger. Pretty deep. Enough to have a rival gang shot the bedroom window out in an attempt to seek retribution against him. He's no longer there. Now, there's this family. Making this house a home! This home now shredded with bullets protruding through the window facing the street!

My guess is that the angle of the bullets was to high. I assume this is an upstairs bedroom since I am familiar with these houses growing up here for 15 years or so. Most of these homes have the bedrooms upstairs, and thinking now, all the masters are on the second level. The positioning of the bed could be a factor in this shooting as well. The man.... husband, father, provider, protector..... is hit twice. Once in the hand and once in the leg as I recall Jay detailing to me. The little girl and her mother... saved from any metal harm. The gun shoots were at to much of an angle and hit the man. I don't know, maybe saving their lives.

It's a beautiful Saturday morning. Joe just informed me I'm Number 55 on current police recruit testing.

2004-03-18T08:33:00.000-08:00

nsb

got the job at nsb. nevada state bank. $14.00 an hour. go down to take a drug test today and I'll sart as soon as posible. maybe monday or tuesday. kinda scary. it'll work out. sorry rate one, you missed out.

2004-03-18T08:24:00.000-08:00

Prospects

I just took a position with fiesta and will be working a full time graveyard shift. It sucks a bit, but not to bad. I will get tips with this as well as my normal pay. That's cool. Hours suck. Oh well.
Nevada state bank called and left a message. I tried to call back but she's not in yet. I'll call again in a minute. So I may work both jobs for a bit. What sucks is the hours. Grave and day. Tuesday and Wednesday off at fiesta and Saturday Sunday at the bank at least to start. We'll see. I have hurried up and am now waiting with metro. Nothing more to do except work out and prepare. And pray.

Ryan's sick. Never fails. You say becarefull and do everything you can to keep him from getting sick so we don't pay arms and legs, and he gets sick! Not his fault. Nobodies really. Just happens. Just sucks though. He's been clingey. I miss him. Working the odd hours will be hard on us and then if I do start the two jobs it will be worse. Then in 5 months with the academy (hoping) it will be just as bad. Ah life. Simple complexities. That's someone's blog title. I think Boyd's.

2004-03-15T06:48:00.000-08:00

It's 6:30 and I wanted to check e-mail before getting cleaned up. I have to go get finger printed for my sheriffs card or gaming license. Which ever they want to call it now. I start celebration (orientation) on tuesday with fiesta. I have an interview today with nevada state bank and I am really wanting that job. I know it's a bank! But it's at least $13.50 an hour! Sweet !!

Jessi and I went and looked at houses yesterday again. We saw three that we liked but fell in love with two. I did anyway. I think she love the one. It had a wrap around downstairs with a study formal livingroom and diningroom, family and breakfast nuck and kitchen. Upstairs had master and 2 bedrooms, laundry and a loft. Only $218,000. Not to bad for what we've seen. Her parents are suggesting she buy a house and sell it to make some money. Sounds good. A little worried but we'll see what happens. I need to get working again to pay some bills off.

Meghan found two students who plagerise in the 8th grade. That's freaking sad!!!! Jessi gets them at the college level and they start doing it in the freaking 8th grade!

I'm number one in my fantasy football arena league. That's cool. I was tied for number 5 this week in total points for the entire fantasy leagues world and ranked 378 in the world. Not to bad.

got to go get dressed.

2004-03-09T13:48:00.000-08:00

Life , Ever moving...

I just read that Kelly Parkers' mom just passed. I'm sorry to hear this. I did not know here but I know Kelly and feel for her. My prayers are with the Parkers today.

I am still looking for a job. I got a call again from Rate One and things are looking good there. I may start on monday. I just went into an interview for the Fiesta. That will be a second job to help pay off and put money a way. Still dropping off ap's and resume's at other banks and what not.

Ryan gets bigger every day. I talk to him on the phone the other week and he's now even clearer and using bigger words and compleate sentences. (for the most part anyway.) Only 14 years left till he's 18!

One year has past since my first date with Jessi. Honestly, what I thought would be just the beginning of a long road of first date's, new relationships and many new faces. Amazing, my friends introduce me to a wonderful girl that has now been a part of my life for a year. Not only mine, but my son's as well. Accepting him and wanting more. Did they have any idea this would happen or did they just want me to start dating again? Don't know.

I guess you could say that we make sense. We are a lot alike. We have our differences and fights (although my dad didn't think she could get mad, and she does, with good reason.) but here we are building on year two!

My brother is here and needs the computer. Some times I just can't get out what I want to.

there goes my life
there goes my everything...

2004-03-08T16:58:00.000-08:00

Samantha Avery .... sounds better sorry meg.

2004-02-19T22:49:00.000-08:00

Oh man I just spent to much time looking at somebody's blog that I don't even know!!! eyes.... hurting.... dry... . . ....

went on an interview at rateone this morning. it went well. now i have to call and bug the hell out of them to hire me. went to the burial for dennises daughter. met with jessi at unlv, sat in on one of her classes and had lunch together. been a busy day.

Ryan's sleeping and I hear my bad calling my name. Who the hell taught it to speak anyway!! Think I'll read some stories from TRUE BLUE.

hey babe , this is for you . because i know you like double spaces . i think it's crap and they should

have to write like normal people anyway , but what the hell do i know .

can i be lost, can i disappear
can i be lost, would you find me here
can i be lost in a secret place
can i rest in the shadow of your face

2004-02-17T13:27:00.000-08:00

I don't have to be micro managed by Jose anymore. I don't have to deal with irate customers about $5.00 fee's to cash checks. I don't have to listen to customers complain about overdraft fee's, wrong accounts, wrong addresses, needing two ID's to open fraudulent account, haveing to stress about whos working today and who's calling in sick. I don't have to worry about meeting numbers and confrance call. I don't have to dread going into the same stress filled job anymore. I've been fired. canned. ousted. asked to leave. told i'm no-longer wanted. arnold has uttered " you're terminated".

my phones ringing...

It Tommy. He wants a resume. I love my friends.

God, hehehe. Life is very interesting. I pray I may become a better story teller so that when I tell the story of my life, I can do the story justice to what you do with me. Love you. Amen.

I'm going to fax Tommy. Then maybe hit some golf balls and relieve stress, hahaha.

2004-02-10T19:45:00.000-08:00

frustrations

i dont think i can handle being micro managed anymore. i try to look at it as a learning perspective, i just cant do it anymore.

things are looking a little better for denise's girl. she opened her eyes today. a lot of little ones have been having a hard time lately. prayer to God... help.

boyd started a new blog. patton's thinking about a new one too. not to jump on a wagon but i was thinking about one for my memories (a new one) and this one for my current's. i'll debate.

2004-02-09T19:09:00.000-08:00

My girl's pretty cool. We're going to watch "DEEP BLUE" or "CSI: season one" tonight. I'm hungry, need to eat some food.

I like the sound of the keys being pressed when your typing. I just don't have much to say that I would type a lot or that I'm that good of a typer to just ramble off about something and go with it.

what a freaking pro bowl game. I didn't get to see the second half, like most america. everyone turned it off and said goodnight to the football season. I got to say I'm excited about the arena leage. oh Ithink I'm going to do the fatasy leage for them. It's free so why not?

Soccer still rocks.
World Cup 2006, Germany

2004-02-07T22:11:00.000-08:00

just one to think about...
There's a footprint in the sand on a beach. The waves come in and now slowly start to erode the footprint. Adding sand to fill the stamped ground and removing sand to erase the pattern. Yet at that time, there was a footprint in the sand, on a beach.

2004-02-07T22:02:00.000-08:00

not GOOD!

So I've been jumping blog's. Joe mentioned me on his blog. I feel special because of it. I think it's the first time he's mentioned me on there. maybe not. But I'm still happy. He saw a house church forming for cops, firefighters and medics. Sound really cool but I think I would feel a little out of place being that I'm still just testing and not a cop. I guess we'll see what happens.
Ryan fell asleep quick tonight. He was worn out. A few weeks ago, maybe even a month back, he came out of church with a small plastic heart and a book mark covered with paper hearts. While he gave the book mark to his mom, he gave me the plastic heart. I found it about a week and a half latter and have been taking it with me when I go to work to keep him on my mind. not that i need it to do that. My thought is that I will keep his heart with me so when I become a cop, I have it as a constant reminder why I want to be a cop. I'll use it to help give my strength.
So what happened to my blog? I think I have to change it around or something! I asked Gene if he was up for some poker. Joe, you want to get a poker night before the 23rd?

You're cute...

Objective??? Every historian and scientist alive is objective. That's there job!!! To be objective and seek out the truth and the facts and change and correct if the need be. And if the need be, CHANGE BACK! History is a story. It's a story based on actual events, facts, and accounts. Of course view points are different. Everyone accounts in their own eyes and their own perspective. Does that change history. NO. It still happened. It happened one way and until the day we sit next to God and watch from on high how the entire world passed bye, then we'll have to suffice for the best account we have. History.
WW II happened. On day 976 of the war, at 09:00 a.m., something happened. It's a fact and will not be changed. Now add the emotions, the visual account, the life of any one person there at that time, and you will have different accounts of what happened. But it happened all same and can not be changed.

History is just accounting the truth, told in a story, based on the perspective of those who live to tell about it.
make sense to me anyways.

Now to try and read I John and Proverbs. Strength and Wisdom. We could all use a little more of both in our choices.

2004-02-06T07:28:00.000-08:00

My son was trying to brush his teeth last night (rather i was trying to get him to..) and he does the tarzan thing pounding his chest. It reminded me of "king kong aint got nothing on me!" So last night I'm dreaming I was the guy opposit Denzel Washington and I was trying to save his kid. But the kid keeps kneeing me in the back. I wake up and find Ryan had crawld into bed with me. Funny dreams.

6:00 am came really early this morning. About one hour earlier. My clock was fast one hour. What a freaking jump on the day we get today huh!

time for ryan to blog...

RYAN
MAJOR
NEWMAN
yljpyljoykutoypurtrhtjyplhyi9u0it0u9ity0uiytu9oito9u itou ktokogkoytkoijuiotjuotjuitojupktpo uktykpou;pykoypokuypkupkytpopoyt kupkp ykppyp'p'rp'rp'urpyrdpyukoyjuithyurightyhnjjguiyuiyjuierhtijtuihiutiyiuyiojgoijyojtjrtjjtojgorjtijtritoirjtjroitjrojt
p[ooy0yio0kvh kgjhtijfijhityj

great job on his name. i wonder if he reads russian

2004-02-04T21:22:00.000-08:00

History

It's always there. It doesn't change although pending the author, it gets twisted and mangled into a version. History is decided by the victor.

I began my background investigation today with metro. Detective Williams is cool. I feel positive about going to the force in Aug. Overall, while today was slow and boring, it was a very good day.

every time I walk into the computer room with the lights off I think there's a little dog sitting on the top of the file cabinet. It's just a plastic bag and I could move it so it doesn't look like a dog when I walk in, but it's kinda cool. I really like the song "spiraling" on air one. very good song.

2004-01-24T09:44:00.000-08:00

WHY TOMMY, WHY???

2004-01-21T20:27:00.000-08:00

Why I want to be a cop

I've been asking myself this question today. I'm watching "COPS, ON LOCATION" and one of the officers is stating why he became a cop. His answer wasn't to impressive. My friend Jay had a great answer. He grew up here (like me) and want to see an improvement so his daughter is safe growing up here. He want to make a difference in someone's life. It may be a small difference. Stopping a drunk on the street. A fight on the corner. Loud music disturbing neighbors. Loud music?!? Would that make a difference in someone's life? Neighbors drunk, tired, pissed at the one's celebrating, partying, relaxing or what ever the case. Neighbor decides they've had enough and shot's a gun off in the air to threaten them to turn it down. Bullet goes up, comes down, hit's a 12 year old kid playing in the backyard. Partiers get pissed at the threat and throw beer bottles over the wall hitting the tired neighbor in the temple causing him/her to stumble, fall forwards onto a metal rake puncturing their air pipe. Two dead. Shot's fired... Loud music.

Maybe a little to much CSI.

I want to help people. I want to make a difference. More selfishly, I want to make a difference to my son. I have a well respected job (by most of the community anyway) and a standard to set for my children.

Dad's getting moved over to Fiesta Henderson. Don't know how he truly feels about it. Makes the house remodeling slow down again.

Jessi's back at school and likes her classes so far. That rocks. She's smart. I feel lost at times when she's telling me about her school and what's left and what that means. I'm like "just tell me the basics!" but would I be happy just giving her the basic's of my day. No. She's smart. Gonna be a teacher.

I just realized it's 8:30 already. I have to work on my background papers.

"Do I look like a cat to you? Jumping all hibbadie bibbadie, from tree to tree?"

2004-01-19T21:16:00.000-08:00

Life Goes On...

Every day brings new changes, challenges, hope, fun, pain, life..... Sun comes up, birds sing and you start your day. What kind of fun will you have today? Who will you meet or see. Who will call out of the blue. What obscure thought will cross your mind. How will you react to the new day?

The mansion is sick. Some more than others. Sucks when your sick. Sucks worse when your kids sick. Sorry Doug and Cheryl.
Peterson's are moving cross town. I'm happy to help if I can guys.
Patton's gonna be a cop. and your haven't blogged about it dude!
Ryan's hit a growth spert. He can reach down completely to the peddles on his bike. (last month he struggled)
Jacquie managed to stay married to Joe for a year and not shoot him. all kinds of new respect for you girl!

Few things I miss.
1. Paintball
2. Gym
3. Soccer
4. My cowboy boots, Keith Urban CD, blue dress shirt, Fight Club DVD, and anything else my brother may have of mine.
5. Writing

"Good-bye! Be good, take care of yourselves-and DON'T LEAVE THE PATH!"

I'm off to read The Hobbit.

2004-01-15T21:41:00.000-08:00

SLEEPY TIME

I just ran down stairs to check on Ryan. He's out cold! He's just out cold in MY bed! The lil' bugger! Got up out of his bed and went to lay down in mine. I know it's because he wants me close and that's the next best thing to me laying down with him. Your parents bed was always a safe haven growing up. Funny how things always change in life, except the small things you never notice till it jumps on your back and pounds you on your head till you turn around see it with a child's eye.

My bed is safe for Ryan. My parents bed was safe for me. Their parents bed was probly safe for them and so on and so on. Things that you did or said or acted like as a kid, your kids will do as well and never know why they do it or where they got it. Chances are you wont either unless it jumps on your back.

"All the world's a stage," ..... Are you happy with your part ?

2004-01-15T18:37:00.000-08:00

I blogged last night but some how it would not up date. Very frustrating.

My parent's celebrated 30 years of marrige on monday. My dad surprised my mom by setting up everything for them to renew their wedding vows. She was compleatlly shocked. Way to go dad.

mmm.. dorr bell!

Schwan's! They want to know if we're ordering. Got to say, food is good. (dispite the fact i look like i never eat any of it!)

It's time for me to get changed and go get Ryan. Thursdays are great. Fridays that I have off are better.

2004-01-01T23:10:00.000-08:00

The bad part about not blogging for such a long time... You forget your passwords and id!

Happy New Year y'all!

Christmas was good this year. Still a little depressing, but I think that's because you grow up and things change. I had Ryan this year and we stayed at my sisters house so we could be with family. My dad and brother came over and we had breakfast and did presents. I spent the evening with my girl Jessi, and except for the hassle of Ryan's mom, everything was great.
Jessi and I just relaxed for the new year at my house (my parents house really). We were both beat and ready to go to sleep. I just wanted to spend time with her and hold her. I wondered though, watching all the people on the strip and at the different parties, they were all ecstatic about 12:00a.m. . I just don't get it. Why don't I get all nuts about a new year? I fell like maybe something's wrong with me. The hell with that. It's another year that I'm thankful for and I will try to better my self and those around me. cool.

In case you haven't read Jessi's blog ( and if your reading this then you probly did ).....

I am number 16 in ranking for corrections officer and number 144 for police officer!

Ok, so what's that mean? That means in Aug. I will be going to the academy as either a p.o. or a c.o. ! That makes me happy!!!
Jessi's in New Mexico visiting family. Family rocks. She'll have a good time.

i'm blogging tomorrow.

2003-12-05T23:26:00.000-08:00

My son's crying tonight. He wont go to sleep with out me.

I want to take away his worries and tears. I can't stand to hear him cry. It tear's me up.

2003-11-23T21:52:00.000-08:00

So my Dolphin's won to night. Dispute the fact they did everything they could to lose. Some times you just got to say F-bombs.
My girl and I went to look at houses today. Just for fun. The house that I love was re-done and when I saw it, it just didn't have the same attraction as before. Very disappointing. That is until we saw the maravilla houses. They're a little wired. Look like row homes from out east. The garage is in the back of the house, but damn it was a freaking great house! And it's only $198,990.00 . What? What's that look on your face for?

Game night was really cool last night. Derick and Rachelle didn't make it. Nor did Nate Boss. But it was still cool. Scott, Kristin, Joe and Jacquie came over. Fun was had. Hope by all.
holidays coming. Good times. Some bad. But not to many thankfully. Got to love the family and friends. My computer at homes been sick. Got some flu or bug or virus. Dam'n thing. Cant stay on for more than 30 freaking seconds!

144
Yup! That's my ranking with LVMPD. I passed the B-PADS with a 79% and my Oral Board with a 83%. I'm damn happy. Now I start with the background as soon as they call me and schedule a time. Getting closer to being a cop. Should hear from Corrections testing soon too.

Ryan was sick for his birthday party. So now we'll go to the bowling alley to celebrate. He likes that. He asked if he was going to be with me all the time now. Wasn't sure where that came from. Think he just ment that day. All the time that day. Don't know. Had donuts with Dad day at his school and stayed for the entire day. That rocked. If you ever get to go back to elementary school you should. Recess rocks!

2003-11-01T00:54:00.000-08:00

Halloween.
This was a great day. Ryan and I got up had breakfast, played memory games, go fish, watched movies, played on the computer, talked to mama and papa a bit, went to the store, over to Jessi's and then over to Joe's. He fell asleep when we left Joe's but woke up just before we had to go to the church fair for Halloween. He was funny all day long. We arrived at the church, did a few rides and then his mom showed up. She spent an hour with him then hung around with Jessi and I for a little while before leaving. I was surprised at how well that went. Jessi had talked to me earlier and un-knowingly put me in a very relaxed or unthreatened mood. Then we went back to Joe's and played Uno for a while. Ryan was giving away Joe's card's. It was great. He had a little trouble going to sleep at first with out Ethan being there but he did. Slept the whole way home and is tucked in tightly to bed. A very happy day surprisingly.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. Don't know what we'll do exactly but we'll figure something out.

2003-10-12T18:27:00.000-07:00

hi.

been awhile. kinda haven't had the time and i just haven't wanted to blog. felt like i didn't have the time to go into everything. i have quite a few friends that i've neglected. not intentionally. just did.
sorry

so i went to court for joint custody of my son and lost. didn't have enough to over turn murphy v murphy. but got more time with him. Hoping michele will be reasonable and allow me more time with him. Don't think that will happen but i'll pray about it. finances suck. i need more money but then everyone else does too. lose lose situation.

still working on being a cop. it starts this wednesday. just thinking about the ride alongs makes me want it more. need a hair cut. got to go home to get some stuff.(at my girls place now)
trying to do my best at work and "give unto cesar want is do unto cesar." Jesus said that somewhere in the bible.

dont know what else is on my mind now. lost my palm pilot. very frustrating. by the way my girl rocks. the other day she called me to tell me to call ryan. i already did, but she called on her own to remind me. that rocks. good football game today.

jessi interviewed a potential room mate. he's a guy. guess it's better than he's a girl! or she's a guy. i dont know. seems like a cool guy. trying not to have a problem with it. she deserves my trust. sometimes history sucks. i'm thinking if i dont make it as a cop this time around, i'll test for corrections officer as well as p.o. next time. ok i'm done
bye

2003-09-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

Did another ride along last saturday night. Had a 444. Truly amazing!

Good time with my girl. She rocks. We're in bed this morning and my back is hurting so bad it wakes not only me but her up as well. So what does she do. Get's a hot water pack and massages my back. It's freaking 5:00 am and she's selflessly rubbing my back! I don't know if it can really express everything, but, WOW!

trying to go to the gym with joe. im tired. need to sleep. need to get buff too! gym good.

2003-09-07T15:28:00.000-07:00

wut up. i'm on my way home in a few minutes so this is brief. i did my ride-a-long this mornig (or last night) and it was FREAKING AWSOME!!!!!!!!! i'll go into detail later when i have time.

if you dont want to be a cop... there's something wrong.

3- 413A's
4- 419's
3-420's
a naked guy running around

sweet ..... very sweet.

2003-09-03T20:38:00.000-07:00

ok its fixed.

2003-09-03T20:36:00.000-07:00

dont think i imputed tommy's right. sorry man

2003-09-03T20:33:00.000-07:00

trying to update now. hope it works.

2003-09-03T20:05:00.000-07:00

more F-BOMBS!!

2003-09-03T20:02:00.000-07:00

i'm trying to update and change everything on here and it keeps wiping it out. f-bombs!!!

2003-09-03T18:53:00.000-07:00

i'm trying to test this nowjoe

jessi

joe boyd
cool that works. now i just need to figure out how to get them set up on the side of my blog!
tommy

2003-09-03T18:48:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my brothers birthday. I wonder how old he is?

I went out with Joe, Pappy and Levi to the golf corse today. I didn't get to play since they already had a fourth lined up. But he didn't show and before I could take the spot they already filled it. I was bummed, but hey, it was fun hanging out with everyone. I'll have to try and go sometime soon and see if i can get my dad and brothers to go too.

I have a ride a long set up for this saturday night and I believe next saturday night as well. I've got to get these going and start getting ready for it. Jacquie's graduateing tomorrow morning. That will be cool. I hope she arrests Tommy.

What's that John? Oh. I'll be right there... John want's to talk... got to go.

2003-09-01T19:33:00.000-07:00

"A Christopher Walken impression to out walken Walken....."

I think that was the quote. Pretty close anyways'. Fivedollarfunny was just that, funny.
Pappy and Alice came into town last night. I went with Tommy and Joe to go see them and hang out. I love them. Alice, mom is just so damn sweet. She asked about Ryan, how I'm doing and if I'm seeing anybody yet. hehehe. She's funny too! We all hung out at the Stardust, that's where they're staying at, and played 3 card poker. It was a lot of funny. You just can't beat good company. We didn't get home till four o'clock in the morning. Ummm... ouch! I had to be to work at 9:30, didn't happen. I got there at 10:00. Slow day none the less.

Days are short and tense. Michele, my ex-wife, called about a half hour ago. She want's to know what I sent to her certified letter that she has to go sign for. No I'm not going to tell her. Hence the whole freaking reason for sending it CERTIFIED LETTER!!! It's labor day. I thought there was no mail today being its a holiday and all!?

So my girl is now blogging. That's cool. I get to read her thoughts'. hehehe. Like she doesn't tell me what's on her mind as it is. She's pretty cool. Joe and I talked about her and I last night at blueberry hill. He thinks ... well... he tries. he only has 25% of the brain. sometimes I wonder if he got the part that never get's used or if I did!? hehehe

I think I might do some work around the house here then go up to the gym.
I pulled all of my stuff out of the office today. My last day is Saturday. Then I start on Monday at the NFC as a banker. End shift old stress, start shift new stress.

I need to call Lt. McCrimmon and get ride along set up this saturday night.

I'm out of here.

2003-08-25T22:43:00.000-07:00

some good songs
1. i remember - kenny chesney
2. my own prison - creed
3. slippin, fallen, can't get up - DMX
4. beautiful day - U2

somedays you just need good songs.

2003-08-22T00:31:00.000-07:00

i got to be honest. i am scared to write down what's going on in my life because of who might be reading this. i feel if the wrong person is reading this it will come back on me in a bad way. so with that being said. there are a handfull of people that are familiar with my situation at this time and i trust them to know who to and not to speak to about this. i dont care who knows out of the group i call friends and i could really use some prayers on it.

so tommy and meg are prego's! that rocks. tommy my friend, as easy as you may think it looks, it's not, but worth every second. get up at every hour through the night when that kid comes and needs someone. you'll lose sleep reguardless. you might as well make it special and worth remembering brother. you have no idea the kind of emotions that will flood your heart. unconditional love is such an amazing thing. you get a small taste of what God enjoy's when we call Him Father.

pattons, joe and jacquie, thank you. you two rock. i dont know what i'de do with out you in my life.

7:50 am, my son, Ryan, walked in through the storm door on my parents house searched from left to right. stopped as he found what he had been searching for, shouted out with excitement (and what i believe may have been a bit of longing) "DADDY!". charged full speed at me, franticlly looking to put the cup of coffee held in my hand, i find an end table and set the cup down as carefully as you can with a 3 & 1/2 year old barreling full steam at you. dropping to my knees to embrase my son, i catch him in my arms as he now flys' through the air with no worry as to if i will be there for him or not. for the next five minutes he said good bye to his mother, good morning to his aunt melissa and hello countless time with as many kisses to me, with out letting go of my neck.

when was the last time you were that excited to see someone? your so happy to see that person, you dont let them go for five minutes.

more is happening with metro. i'm excited. nuff said for now.

2003-08-15T08:54:00.000-07:00

for ths second time ryan just wiped out what i wrote. the boys killing me. we're gonna go eat breakfast, watch some tv and play some games. yeah thomas! haha. later

2003-08-12T00:53:00.000-07:00

i just did a pretty long blog and clicked on the wrong button. that sucks! i went to the gym. third rep of declines was wierd. felt like no wieghts. ran 2 miles. rayn's just amazing. amazing. i'll illaborate some other time. got to go to metro website. bye

2003-08-03T02:49:00.000-07:00

ask and you shall receive. thank you God. i think cheryl's blog summed it all up.

today was good. i took ryan to get donut's before going back to his mom. work went quickly. i went to church at canyon ridge and ran into mike and his wife (which i'm sorry to say i dont know what her name is exactly). it was great seeing them. he's really cool and he's been through just about everything i'm going through. cheri was there and i got caught up with her which was cool. then i took my girl, jessi, to the movies. we finally saw 'pirates of the carribean'. that was an amazing movie. a most have on dvd! we had a great night. i just got home and read cheryl's blog and was amazed at God's answer to me. i got a lot of work ahead of me because ryan will not be a walmart christian.

one step, i make an imprint
two steps, it's a commitment
three steps, i'm not done yet

everystep is a commitment to make an imprint in this endless walk. no, i am not done yet...

2003-08-01T23:35:00.000-07:00

God, I could really use some help.

Ryan is asleep. right now that is the most beautiful thing. i've been watching my sisters kids as well as ryan since yesterday afternoon. i expected her kids to be a hand full. i expected ryan to be right there with them. but i didn't expect him to lead the pack! he has not listened to me at all this weekend. i thought it was starting off great when i got him, but he fought me about anything and everything. two and a half hours is what it took to get him to go to sleep last night. i haven't had to do that for a few months. probly about 5, maybe 6 or 7 months. i lost it last night. i was so frustrated and nurve racked, i basiclly threw my own fit. i never did anything to physically harm ryan, but i know my yelling and frustration had to hurt him. not getting any sleep last night quickly started the day off the same way it ended. he's been testing me every step of the way and i am feeling so burned out. i only have him two days out of the week and feel like crap when i have to disapline him the entire time i have him. yet if i dont, he walks all over me and sets the tone for future events. yet spanking, time out, taking toys and movies away just dont seem to work.

i'm really asking for some help. is there something i can do to improve his demeanor? any suggestions are welcome. let me refraze. loving suggestions are more than welcomed. Father, i could really use some from you. i feel i grow wery of these tests and tribulations. i need you to take control and give me rest. even if not, i am still here.

a lighter side. mail call. one bill, two bills (dmv registration now due), minimum qualifications are met and i am scheduled to attend the mandatory information seminar on oct.15 at 10:00am. sweet. here i go again.

i love my son. if i do nothing else in this world... i love my son.

2003-07-31T10:09:00.000-07:00

Ok. so i'm a "fucking rookie!". i just figured out how to add and change things on here with out having to create a whole new blog site. i never claimed to be the smartest apple in the bunch (that was just designated to me by others :P ), yet i do claim to be the most appetizing. one day i'll learn me some spelling and grammer.

I got Ryan this morning and i'm a little pissed. he wanted to watch thomas the train and friends so i'm letting him before we leave this morning. that's not what i'm upset about. i noticed that he has on colonge. he's three years old and he's wearing colonge. is it just me or is there something not right about this? he doesn't need it. he's not impressing anybody. i dont want it to irritate him or his skin but i think more than that, it upsets me because thats yet one more thing i'm not apart of. the first time he goes to the movies, first time wears colonge, first time he shaves. i know he's a long way off from that one. it just feels like his mom is pushing everything in his life ahead of it's time so she can be the one there for it. may be i'm over reacting. i just want to be the one that shows him what it is and how it is to be a man. i want to be the one to influence his life in a positive way like a father should. i don't want his mother to try and do it because she wants him to be like her. and i sure as hell dont want her girlfriend to try and do it! yet that's the feeling i have when it comes down to it. it aggrivating to me. i want him to have a father, not a woman trying to be a man and pretend to be a father figure.

well, we're go3ing to go run erron now. he's 5done watching his show and is helping me type so 2we'5re are ou t 1 of here. till next time .

oh scrach that last blog site. i'm deleating it since i found out how to do everything on this one.

2003-07-30T08:28:00.000-07:00

i'm changing my blog site. it's now robertmnewman.blogspot.com
eventually want to set up links to my friends blogs. and i wanted to change the discription.

ok so go to the new site. sorry for any confussion.